Two months ago, I finished the first draft of my novel. After participating in a writing marathon known as National Novel Writing Month, my creative juices were drained. I needed a break from my novel and I needed a break from writing in general. I planned to pick up my novel in a few weeks to look at it with a fresh set of eyes.
I slept in. I watched prime time television again. I cleaned the house and spent time with friends I'd neglected in the month of November. I didn't write.
And I'm still not writing. I thought I'd take some time to free write and explore other ideas - I haven't done that either. The longer I've stayed away, the harder it is to bring myself back. Fear has set in. A voice in the back of my head started telling me, "Your novel's not really any good! And when you reread it you're going to realize what a terrible writer you really are!"
I've been afraid to look back at my work - afraid that I'll see it's not as good as I thought it was while I was writing it, that it's not cut out for publication. I'm afraid that I'll get the urge to rewrite the entire thing from start to finish (while that's not entirely a bad thing, I can never complete a story because I can't seem to stop rewriting!) I'm afraid that after years of trying to tell this story and developing these characters, I'll see that it's not worth pursuing any longer.
I have a fear of the unknown - I've never made it this far in the novel-writing process. I've never completed a draft and gotten to the down and dirty editing and rewriting phase. No more writing to see where it will take me, no more aimlessly exploring characters and writing scenes or lines of dialogue I know I'll cut later. Now every word counts.
I could lock my draft up in a drawer, never to be looked at again. I could let my fear get in the way of my dream of finishing a novel and potentially getting published. Or I could push through it, start revising and grow as a writer in the process.
Nike said it best: Just Do It.
